What Makes a Relationship Work

What does it take to make a relationships work? A question that has vexed all of us for forever! When it comes to relationships, you can make it work when you have a strong enough reason to make it happen. Love has nothing to do with us getting something and has everything to do with us giving. You attract what you focus on.

As Paulo Coehlo famously remarked

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” — Paulo Coelho

If you focus on someone’s faults, that is all you will see. If you focus on what is good, that is what you will see. This is due to the Reticular Activating System (RAS). RAS draws our attention to what we’re focusing on. For example, if you bought a white BMW, you would notice other white BMWs on the road. Since you’re focusing on your car, you will notice it more on the road. Your RAS gets the signal that this is important to you, so you notice it.

What does this have to do with relationships? It turns out that our individual reticular activating systems will create an interpretation of an event based on our upbringing and conditioning. This is a key source of conflicts in relationships, because two people can walk away with entirely different interpretations after experiencing the same event.

Why Relationships Don’t Work?

Relationships often do not work out because of unmet needs and expectations, when one or both partners feel a lack of something from the other. What if you tried to discover your partner’s needs and meet them where they need you?

One of two things will happen: they see you noticing them and their needs, and they start to mimic the behavior of giving you what you need because they feel taken care of. Or, they may not appreciate you, and things will not change—this will give you a clear indication that it is time to move on.

Practical Tips to Make Relationships Work!

Building a passionate relationship requires effort and dedication from both partners. Here are some tips to help you and your partner cultivate a loving and passionate bond:

1. Communication: Good communication is key in any relationship. Make sure you listen to each other, express your feelings and thoughts openly and honestly, and avoid criticism or blame.
2. Quality time: Spend quality time together and make memories. This could be anything from taking a walk, cooking dinner together, or going on a weekend getaway.
3. Intimacy: Physical and emotional intimacy is important in any relationship. Make time for cuddles, affectionate gestures, and intimate moments that strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
4. Shared interests: Having shared interests and activities can help you and your partner connect on a deeper level. Pursuing a common hobby, exploring new things together, or simply enjoying each other’s company can bring you closer.
5. Show appreciation: Show your partner that you appreciate them by giving compliments, expressing gratitude, and recognizing the effort they put into the relationship.
6. Keep the spark alive: Relationships can become routine, so it’s important to keep things fresh and exciting. Surprise your partner with small gestures, try new experiences together, and keep the passion and excitement alive.
7. Support each other: A supportive and understanding partner can make all the difference in a relationship. Encourage each other, be there for each other during difficult times, and work together to achieve common goals.

By following these tips, you and your partner can build a passionate relationship that is full of love, affection, and mutual respect.