“The more you stay with and/or complain about a toxic person, the more you are merely delaying doing the important inner work you need to do— to heal your wounds, expand your limiting beliefs and show yourself far more love and respect” – Karen Salmansohn
Most of us enter into a relationship thinking that our partner is going to fill the void that we feel inside: the truth is no one can. One has to work upon themselves independently, become a joyful human being before they enter a relationship— that’s the path to a blissful life.
How many married couples have we seen, who are carrying their own inner wounds, and have entered into a relationship because society demanded it? We know how unhappy these couples tend to be.
We then blame each other for the relationship not working. Until a generation ago, divorces were taboo. So, couples suffered in their marriage for the sake of their children and to avoid societal shame. But today, divorce has become more acceptable, so we’re increasingly finding people opting for it once they’re faced with issues. Unfortunately, they are trapped in a cycle because they will attract a similar person since they have not changed themselves.
Let’s delve into how we can make a relationship stronger. We are all running from programs and beliefs which were given to us when we were children. These beliefs are not even ours!
Some of these beliefs are very limiting, such as “I can’t ask for what I want because I may get rejected” or “I am not good enough/smart enough/thin enough to get the things I want” or “I will never find a partner”… the list goes on.
These self-limiting beliefs have a strong emotion attached to them. No matter how much their partner can try to explain things logically, the other person is in their emotion, and will not be able to understand. In a war of logic and emotion, emotion will win.
These limiting beliefs hold us back from having fulfilling and passionate relationships. So, the first thing is to become aware of these patterns. Once you journal and reflect upon them, challenge these beliefs by asking prompting questions. Questions like:
- Is this really true?
- When did I start believing it?
- Is this belief helping me now?
The good news is: you formed the belief and you can change it too. It’s never the event that impacts us, it’s always the meaning that we give to the event. So, if we want a change, we have to change the story we tell ourselves.
It’s not easy to overcome limiting beliefs; it needs work. It’s important to become consciously aware of them and to keep interrupting the pattern since your mind learns by repetition. Becoming aware of your self-limiting behaviour and changing it consciously requires an inward journey. How can you help with this process?
- Meditation: as once we are in silence and focusing on our thoughts, we become aware and understand how we formed these beliefs and can make changes
- Visualization: helps to form how we want to be and creating those pictures in our mind of who we actually want to become.
In case you find it hard to do it alone, there is no shame in having an accountable partner, a therapist, or a coach who can help you get to where you want to go.
